I've been known to occasionally make attempts at humor in the aquarium newsgroups and the Aquatic Plants Digest. Some of it is lame. But nonetheless, I crack myself up sometimes. Or, as a wise man may have once said, "You can crack up all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but you cannot crack up all of the people all of the time."
Here is the Best of George and Some Others, IMHO.
NOTE: This is a joke and only a joke. DO NOT be confused and think this is true. If you do not think this is funny, DO NOT bother telling me because I don't care.
The first postings were done on March 31st, to sucker in those who might not be paying attention to the date. Probably a little cruel, but definitely effective.
[The reference to April 1st was the first clue. Apparently, no one got it]
Details are still sketchy, but Ken said that apparently George got the primary and secondary of the 24v step-down transformer reversed. He was poking around in the gravel in the half filled tank to see if the coils were on and must have jerked when he touched the coil. The higher voltage probably made the wire very hot and melted some of the insulation. I don't know if he received the fatal shock at this time or not. But anyway, it looks like he jerked away and knocked one of the submersible heaters into a rock and broke the glass, exposing the heating element to the water. Investigators think that the combination of the exposed heating cable with high voltage and the broken heater produced the lethal conditions. To make matters worse, they had just added some Duplagan to the water, which raises its conductivity.
The really sad part of it all is that George had just installed a Ground Fault Indicator on the aquarium circuit. It apparently malfunctioned.
We are going to miss George's posts very much here on Internet. I was
just proof-reading a posting in progress for him. Perhaps I can convince
Karla to let me post it as a tribute; "George's Last Post?".
The family requests that flowers and telegrams NOT be sent; George
would not want precious natural resources to be wasted on his behalf.Contributions
to the WorldFund "Save the Echinodorus" cause would be more appropriate.
[Anyone who who has read my posts would be a little suspicious about this mention of a tree-hugger group, bogus or not.]
Ken said it was particularly sad because the first week in April was one of the favorite times of the year for George, known locally as quite a prankster.
[Not very subtle. Maybe no one read this far ... The prank started
to spread further as people began to cross-post to other groups I am active
in and to Compuserve. I was ROTFL while reading the newsgroups. I'm not
a very sensitive person <g>].
Well, I guess this has gone far enough. APRIL FOOL!!!!
To quote one of the more concerned respondents: "It seems too ludicrous to be true."
Well, yes.
Please don't blame [xyzzy] for any of this 'cause it was all my doing. I was just going to post the "Last Posting" as an April Fool's joke but, as these things are wont to do, got carried away.
For all of you who were shattered by the news and now have lost all respect for me, I'm truly sorry for this little prank. For those who were mildly concerned but a little skeptical, I hope you appreciate the joke. For those who spotted the clues right away - "Way ta go!".
For those of you who thought the "Last Post" was interesting, well, please continue to read *.aquaria before you attempt anything like this. I was truly hoping that by the time you got to "turning slime algae into gold" you would have thought something was fishy.
Now, on to April 1st, 1995.
George Booth
"The rumors of my accident are greatly exaggerated."
PS: Would someone please post on Compuserve that we were just having a little fun? Thanks.
the recent afm sez that triclanda clams are really good denitrators
and remove other stuff from the water and grow real big and everything
so why couldn't you use them with freshwater?
ok so here's my idea you have a smaller tank sitting next to you
freshwater tank that has the nitrates and everything you put
a
cheap fluvil canister on the big tank and pump the nitratous water
from the fluvil to the the clam tank maybe 29 gallons you
could
fix up a automatic fish feeder on the clam tank to add enough salt
to the water for the clam then the clam removes all the nitrates
and algae and everything making it really clean the clean water
then be pumper through a reverse osmossis filter to get the salt out
and make ity good for the freshwater this way you never have
to do
water changes in the other tank i think this is a good idea?
is there
anything wrong with it?
im going to set this up real soon so let me know as soon as possilbe
i dont have email so please posts your replys thank yoou
z
ZZ
:z
quit
bye
ZZZZ
!xx
^d^d zzz stopxxshit
.. -- .. -- .. -- .. -- ..- .--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--..
..--.. .. --
| Robert J. Odemann
| "oh, really? well why didn't |
| Expert Technical Aide
| you say so in the first place? |
| (303) 328-7448
| Bill the
Nuisance |
.. -- .. -- .. -- .. -- ..- .--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--..
..--.. .. --
1. Why is this stuff (Hilena D, laterite, peat, potting soil, sheep
manure,
and litter box scrapings??) added to the gravel?
What benefiture does
it provide the plants?
2. OK, given that there is some benefites, it sounds like the plants
take
up some kind of nutriments provided by the "rich substate".
What
nutriments are being provided? What is a good nutriment
test kits?
3. Given that plants are using up nutriments from the rich substate
that i mentioned before, how long does the substate stay
rich?
How do you take out the used up substate and make it richer
again?
Is this what the Python Gravel Cleanser is all about?-)
4. Once the substate is no longer rich, what do you do? TEAR THE
TANK
DOWN ABND SATRT OVER? Change to African cichlids
or TURTLES?
OK, I'm going to go all out on the tank and do it the right way, but
I need to know about these questions first.
BTW, I also want to have some nice rock-work for the cardical tetras
I'm
going to make spawn inb this tank. How big do the caves have
to be? Does
more than 1 fish
have to be in the cave at once? The price of live rock seems
pretty high
the magazine ads. Can I use live rock from the local creek?
It's pretty
far from the sanitation plant, so there won't any problem, right?
Oh, and also, what's the smallest wet/dry filter I ca nput on a 10
gallon
tank? I don't have much money and I already spend too much on
the DIY
protein skimor. Please don;t e-mail, cuz this is someones else
acoount.
I'll be happy to summerize this postings.
.. -- .. -- .. -- .. -- ..- .--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--..
..--.. .. --
| Robert J. Odemann
| "oh, really? well why didn't |
| Expert Technical Aide
| you say so in the first place? |
| (303) 328-7448
| Bill the
Nuisance |
.. -- .. -- .. -- .. -- ..- .--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--.. ..--..
..--.. .. --
Someone from the U.K. wrote:
> There are 6 gallons to a sqare foot of water so your tank would have
> 20 sq ft in it that makes it 120 gallons less your gravel and rocks
so
> perhaps your looking at a total of 105 to 110 gallons hope this helps
Nice try, UK, but a bit off the mark, actually.
> 5 ft x 2 ft x 2 ft
Assuming 1/2" glass and a water level 1" below the top, the inside
dimensions are 59" x 23" x 22.5" or 30,532.5 CUBIC inches (volume
is usually measured in CUBIC units UK, at least in the U.S.).
There are 231 cu in per U.S. gallon, so that makes the tank 132
gallons. You would probably have 150 pounds of gravel which would
displace about 7 gallons, so you have about 125 gallons of water
in the tank.
Of course, when someone sez "I have a 50 gallon tank", they are
usually referring to the Manufacturer's Suggested Volume (MSV),
which uses slightly different assumptions about tank capacity.
Although it's a trade secret, the MSV seems to refer to the BOX
that the aquarium would be shipped in, if aquariums were shipped
in boxes, which they aren't, of course.
To calcuate the MSV, measure the absolute largest dimensions you can
find on the tank. In some cases, there is plastic fake wood trim
around the tank which might add 1/2" in all dimensions. And,
of
course, when you calculate MSV, the assumption is that the tank is
completely filled with water, regardless of the fact that the
slightest ripple would send water spilling to the floor.
So, in our test case, we have 61" x 25" x 25" or a 165 gallon
tank, also known as a Really Big One.
For those readers afflicted with the archaic and laughable Metric
System, conversion tables are available. :-)
-George Booth
How do you have an Aponogeton madagascariensis double in size in 3
months plus have other Aponogetons, Anubias, and even Crypts flower
regularly in ones aquarium? Simple according to [unnamed author] in
the
January '94 [unamed magazine]:
Step 1: put a "full-spectrum" light over your tank (1 watt/gal)
Step 2: throw in an unspecified amount of flake food once-a-day
Sweet Jesus Joseph and Mary! Why couldn't he have written this
article months ago so I could have saved a *bundle* on my cables, CO2
stuff, lighting system, etc.
Oh ... you say he did. March '93. And July '92.
<sigh>
I guess I have been seduced by the gods of Hi-Tech.
We need a moderated group! We must do away with the George Booths of
this world who fill us with all of these expensive ideas! We must
once again forsake our modern ways and move back to a simpler age
where plants grew and fish ate algae. Join with me and [unnamed author]
and we'll
purge this new heresy from our midst.
Seriously, folks, [unnamed author] forgot:
Step 3: Cross your fingers and pray like hell that somehow it all works.
dan
Speaking of which, do I want Malaysian trumpt snails?
Why? If so, are
the "thin cone-shaped snails" I see from time to
time the right ones,
or could they be something else? Given the
horror of pond snails, and
the impression I get about Malaysian trumpet snails
that nothing short
of fission bombs will eradicate them, I'm a bit
leery of putting them in.
We have found trumpet snails to be very useful as detritivores.
They
do not seem to harm plants. Yes, they are the thin, cone shaped
snails.
We have a pair of clown loaches named Fat Man and Little Boy that keep
the snails very much under control in one of our tanks. They
run
free in three other tanks and seem to be self limiting.
-George Booth
When we set up our 100 gallon "Almost Optimum Aquarium", I ran across
this "certificate" in the box of Duplarit (laterite; iron-bearing tropical
clay).
|
ZERTIFIKAT
Certificate of Origin These two products Duplarit-G and Duplarit-K are
Duplarit-G and Duplarit-K are in possesion of the
Dupla Aquaristik
|
-George
9. I keep oscars and it gives them something to play with.
8. I keep African cichlids and they aren't hungry any more.
7. I've mastered reefkeeping and I need a more challenging hobby.
6. I have more money than I know what to do with.
5. It keeps me out of bars on nights and weekends.
4. They look more natural than diving dogs and bubbling volcanos.
Not that diving dogs and bubbling volcanos are bad,
mind you.
... And on a more serious note ...
3. They remove harmful toxins and excess nutrients.
2. They provide high oxygen levels.
And the Number One Reason why I keep aquatic plants is:
1. They provide hiding places and shade to give the fish a sense
of security and they make the tank look great.
Subject: Re: Lotus
> OK, I want one to flower. Tell Karla her guru status is on the line
> here - I want to know how to get mine to do this!
OK, it's actually quite easy:
1. Remove your substrate heating coils.
2. Change 50% of the water every two weeks for 9 months.
3. Plug your coil denitrator during one of the water changes and
accidentally leave the plug in for a week.
Boy, does that produce
stinky water!
4. Feed your fish Ocean Nutrition Formula One frozen cubes to get
your nitrates above 1 ppm (way above).
5. Innoculate the tank with beard algae 2 months before you want the
flower.
6. Treat the tank with "Algae-Destroyer" (simazine) 1 month before
you want the flower.
7. Withhold Dupla drops from the tank 2 weeks before you want the
flower.
8. Voila! Stand back and witness the Glory.
It worked for us.
- George
From the "Wild Things" column by Mike Capuzzo in the Rocky Mountain
News:
"Today's pet peeve is: the shocking apathy of Americans when it
comes to FISH ANNUAL CHECKUPS.
"Fewer than 10 fish owners in 1,000 (a truly alarming 0.29%) bother
to take their fish to the veterinarian for its annual checkup,
according to a survery by the American Veterinary Medical Association
in suburban Chicago. This is due to a number of complex reasons
that
can be summarized as, "They're only fish."
"In fact, reports the AVMA, fish should be brought in annually for a
routine checkup including "a discussion of fish behavior with the
owner; water quality analysis; and a physical examination of the fish,
including biopsies of fins and gills for microscopic examination."
Checkups are not harmful to fish and can be "extremely valuable" in
diagnosing common problems for which your veterinarian has medicines
such as deworming agents and fish antibiotics."
Whiner wrote:
> I've been reading this news group for
about a year.
> Over the past couple months I've posted four or five
> times and never have seen a response. Am I posting
> these incorrectly? or are these questions unimportant?
I think I remember your name but I don't recall your questions. Sometimes
questions are left unanswered because
1) it may be answered in the FAQ and no one feels like retyping the
answer
just now
2) the question was so basic that the answer can be found in a $3.00
Tetra
book and folks figured if you don't want to invest $3.00
to get an
answer, why should we spend any time answering you
3) the questions was asked in a pompous manner that pissed off the
potential answerer
4) the question was written in such poor English that folks figured
you wouldn't understand the answer anyway
5) the question was too difficult to answer
6) the appropriate guru was not reading the net at the time the
question appeared
7) all the gurus figured another guru would answer it
8) the appropriate guru was recently flamed for no reason and was sulking
9) the question never actually appeared on the net.
After all, we're only human (sorry to let *that* secret out of the bag :-).
Try again ...
-George Booth
Gee, all I asked, was simple question.
So, let me see if I have this straight. We know the following to be
factual:
1. It's C-e-d-a-r. No, it's C-e-d-e-r. No, it's Western Red Cedar.
No, it's Eastern White Cedar. No, it's Eastern Red Cedar. No,
it's Aromatic Cedar. No, it's not Cedar, it's Juniperus
virginiana. Ok, I've got that.
2. It's only native to Lebanon, the West Indies, and everywhere
else.
3. The species with the purple heart is found only in the areas
listed above, and only 1 in 10 has the purple heart, unless they all
do.
4. Grows only in Ceder swamps, unless you're in Texas, where it
grows in the desert, or Tennessee, where it grows in barren fields.
5. It's not safe to put in a tank. It will kill everything.
6. It's safe to put in a tank. It won't hurt anything.
7. It will only kill Corys.
8. Not only is it safe, it's beneficial. Has medicinal properties,
and has been used to induce spawning.
9. Use only the purple heart, that's where all the good essential
oils are.
10. Don't use the purple heart, that's where all the poisonous oils are.
11. Leave submerged in a Ceder swamp for 50 or 60 years to leach out
all the good/bad oils.
12. Leave in the Texas sun for 50 or 60 years to bake out all
the good/bad oils.
13. Will always grow a white fuzz when submerged, unless it doesn't.
14. Don't fertilize Cedars, or you'll die.
15. It will kill caterpillars.
Now I know where to go whenever I have another question. Think I'll
ride
over to Petsmart and buy something plastic.
Thanks for all of your input, I really do appreciate it. I'll do some
experimenting, and post the results. Now lets get on to something cut
and dried, like light intensity vs. color spectrum.
Long-time readers have probably noted that I hold little stock in advertisements, especially those related to aquarium products. I was reading through the July AFM last night and spotted an ad for a plant fertilizer. I found it rather amusing.
I imagine the Madison Avenue types think an ad based on scientific proof is very effective, especially when targetted at those who are, shall we say, "experience impaired". Accordingly, the ad described a plant growth experiment that offered unassailable proof as to the performance of their product.
Two identical samples of Hygrophila polysperma where grown under implied scientifically controlled conditions which were not specified. One was grown without this product, one was grown with this product. Each plant was 20 cm tall at the start of the test.
After only 50 days, the plant grown without the product had grown only 7 cm and was described as "healthy with yellowing". The plant grown with the product had grown an amazing 15 cm and was described as "healthy and vibrant". I'm sure that readers of this Digest will find it difficult to believe that any plant, especially H. polysperma, could actually grow 6" in a little less than two months. A Miracle, indeed.
The usual glowing claims were made, backed up by the scientific proof, but it would take a real dolt to miss the hidden message:
"If you are plagued by excessive plant growth, this is the product for you!"
-George, reporting from home
[After some gentle prompting, I found myself getting carried away as usual]
> Incidentally, in a recent post to the APD, were you referring to Hagen's
> fertilizer?
Yep.
> Did you notice on the pictures that these were plants that
> were just stuck in the gravel for photographing? It's amazing
what some
> manufacturers do! Oh, well, "you can fool some to the people
some of the
> time, but ................................."
I was simply astounded at how clueless the people who wrote the ad
were. I can imagine the brainstorming session ...
Suit #1: "OK, we need to do an ad for a plant fertilizer."
Suit #2: "What, like roses?"
Suit #3: "No, let's see ... OK, it's for 'aquarium plants'".
<silence>
S2: "They have plants in aquariums?"
S1: "I guess so. That's what it sounds like".
S3: "No way you can grow plants underwater, they would drown!"
S1: "I suppose, but that's not our problem".
S3: "OK, how about a science theme? That always plays well in
Des
Moines."
S1: "Great, throw in some authentic numbers and they'll be quoting
it on the internet for years! 'You can
achieve amazing growth!'"
S2: "Yeah, 'Amazing Growth'! We could play that Grace song in
the
background".
S1: "It's for a magazine, dummy".
S3: "Magazine? They have magazines for aquariums? Geez, what's next?"
S2: "I hear Mars geology is hot ... 'Mars Rocks Today'".
<laughter>
S1: "Knock it off! It's almost lunch time. I need ideas!"
S2: "OK, science experiment: control plant grows a little, treated
plant grows twice as fast, yada, yada, yada".
S3: "Great, let's do it!"
S1: "OK, how fast do plants grow normally?"
<silence>
S2: "Under water?"
<laughter>
S3: "No way!"
S1: "How about 2" per week".
<laughter>
S3: "Yeah, right, how about 1" per month?"
S1: "Sounds plausible".
S2: "OK, my evergreens seem to grow about a foot each year. That would
build credibility. Go with it".
S3: "So, with this crap, they would grow 2" per month".
S2: "Yeah, right!"
S1: "Doesn't sound impressive enough. How about 3" per month?"
<raucous laughter>
S2: "Sure, why not. If they believe plants can grow underwater,
they'll
believe anything!"
S3: "OK, we need to make this sound scientific. How about '50 days'?"
S2: "Oooo, yeah. Not quite two months and no one around here has
used
'50' in quite awhile. Sounds very scientific.
'6 inches in 50
days' ... Perfect".
S1: "Hey wait, don't the science weirdos use the Merit System or
something like that?"
S2: "Crap, I don't know. Ask your secretary".
<mumbling over the intercom>
S1: "OK, 'Metric System'. Liters and stuff. How may liters
in 6
inches?"
<stunned silence>
<mumbling over the intercom>
S1: "She says '15 centipedes'..."
Intercom: "METERS, centiMETERS"
S1: "OK, honey, thanks. Umm, why don't you take lunch now".
<winks, nudges>
<dissolve, fade out, Amazing Grace playing in background>
"The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a
suitable rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life.
For this task it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds
its
spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats it.
It's rather like being elected to Congress.
Dihydrogen monoxide is colorless, odorless, tasteless, and KILLS uncounted
thousands of people every year. Most of these deaths are caused
by
inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end
there.
Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination,
and
possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.
For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain
death.
Dihydrogen Monoxide:
* is also known as hydroxic acid, and is the major component
of acid rain.
* contributes to the "greenhouse effect."
* may cause severe burns.
* contributes to the erosion of our natural landscape.
* accelerates corrosion and rusting of many metals.
* may cause electrical failures and decreased effectiveness of
car brakes.
* has been found in excised tumors of terminal cancer patients.
* solid form, has been known to cause the crashes of numerous
airplanes as
well as the sinking of many ships (including the ill-fated
Titanic)!
Contamination Is Reaching Epidemic Proportions!
Quantities of dihydrogen monoxide have been found in almost every stream,
lake, and reservoir in America today. But the pollution is global,
and the
contaminant has even been found in Antarctic ice. In the midwest
alone,
DHMO has caused MILLIONS of dollars of property damage.
Despite the danger, dihydrogen monoxide is often used:
* as an industrial solvent and coolant.
* in nuclear power plants.
* in the production of styrofoam.
* as a fire retardant.
* in many forms of cruel animal research.
* in the distribution of pesticides. Even after washing,
produce remains
contaminated by this chemical.
* as an additive in certain "junk foods" and other food products.
Waste DHMO is allowed to pollute our precious lakes, rivers, streams,
and
the ocean itself. The impact on wildlife is EXTREME, and we cannot
afford
to ignore it any longer!
The Horror Must Be Stopped!
The American government has REFUSED to ban the production, distribution,
or
use of this damaging chemical due to its "importance to the economic
health
of this nation." In fact, the Navy and other military organizations
are
conducting experiments with DHMO, and designing multibillion dollar
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It's Not Too Late!
Act NOW to prevent further contamination. Find out more about
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As scientists and concerned citizens, we applaud the recent trend towards
legislation that requires the prominent placing of warnings on products
that present hazards to the general public. Yet we must also offer
the cautionary thought that such warnings, however well-intentioned, merely
scratch the surface of what is really
necessary in this important area. This is especially true in
light of the findings of 20th century physics.
We are therefore proposing that, as responsible scientists, we join together in an intensive push for new laws that will mandate the conspicuous placement of suitably informative warnings on the packaging of every product offered for sale in the United States of America. Our Suggested list of required warnings appears below.
WARNING: This product warps space and time in its vicinity.
WARNING: This product attracts every other piece of matter in the Universe, including the products of other manufacturers, with a force proportional to the product of the masses and inversely proportional to the distance between them.
CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
HEALTH WARNING: Care should be taken when lifting this product, since its mass, and thus its weight, is dependent on its velocity relative to the user.
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that,
through a process known as "tunneling," this product may
spontaneously disappear from its present location and reappear at any
random place in the universe, including your neighbor's
domicile. The manufacturer will not be responsible for any damages
or inconvenience that may result.
COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE: The subatomic particles (electrons, protons, etc.) comprising this product are exactly the same in every measurable respect as those used in the products of other manufacturers, and no claim to the contrary may legitimately be expressed or implied.
CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," it is
impossible for the consumer to find out at the same time both
precisely where this product is and how fast it is moving.
NOTE: The most fundamental particles in this product are held together by a "gluing" force about which little is currently known and whose adhesive power cannot therefore be permanently guaranteed.
ATTENTION: Despite any other listing of product contents found hereon, the consumer is advised that, in actuality, this produce consists of 99.999999999999% empty space.
HANDLE WITH EXTREME CARE: This product contains minute electrically charged particles moving at velocities in excess of five hundred million miles per hour.
READ THIS BEFORE OPENING PACKAGE: According to certain uggested versions of a grand unified theory, the primary particles constituting this product may decay to nothingness within the next four hundred million years.
PUBLIC NOTICE AS REQUIRED BY LAW: Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will increase the amount of disorder in the universe. Although no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death of the universe.
NEW GRAND UNIFIED THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim that this product is ten-dimensional. However, the consumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights above and beyond those applicable to three-dimensional objects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up" into such a small area that they cannot be detected.
IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The entire physical universe, including this product, may one day collapse back into an infinitesimally small space. Should another universe subsequently re-emerge, the existence of this product in that universe cannot be guaranteed.
PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined state.
THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this
merchandise should contact antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion
will result.
From: WannaBePoet
Subject: mercy killing...
what is the most humane and 'proper' way to put a fish to sleep?
i've heard of freezing...
but, that seems rather torturous (sp?)...
i've also seen experimental shipping techniques...
that freeze the live fish for transportation...
packed in styrofoam boxes without water...
shipped in a chiller...
and then revived at their destination...
this is so that markets get 'live' fish...
so after you freeze your sickly fish...
does that necessarily kill them?
please post or e-mail comments and ideas...
From: HelpfulGuy
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
WannaBePoet wrote:
: what is the most humane
and 'proper' way to put a fish to sleep?
: i've heard of freezing...
: but, that seems rather
torturous (sp?)...
Dropping a fish into cold water is tortuous, but putting a fish into
a cup of water and then putting that into the freezer shouldn't be
tortuous. Being cold-blooded creatures, their metabolism will
drop
with the temperature, so that by the time they are dying, that are
completely torpid.
: i've also seen experimental
shipping techniques...
: that freeze the live
fish for transportation...
: packed in styrofoam
boxes without water...
: shipped in a chiller...
: and then revived
at their destination...
: this is so that markets get 'live' fish...
: so after you freeze
your sickly fish...
: does that necessarily
kill them?
Yes. A tropical fish inside an icecube is dead, dead, dead.
I've heard rumor that goldfish can survive this, but I don't
believe it.
From: George Booth
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
In rec.aquaria, HelpfulGuy writes:
Dropping a fish into cold water is tortuous, but
putting a fish into
a cup of water and then putting that into the freezer
shouldn't be
tortuous. Being cold-blooded creatures, their
metabolism will drop
with the temperature, so that by the time they are
dying, that are
completely torpid.
Oh yeah, and they won't totally freak trapped in a cup of water while
the water cools down, will they? Why not get real and whack them
on a
wall or the floor? If you're too squeamish, grow a spine or take
up
stamp collecting.
From: HelpfulGuy
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
George Booth wrote:
: In rec.aquaria, HelpfulGuy writes:
: Dropping a fish into cold water is tortuous,
but putting a fish into
: a cup of water and then putting that into
the freezer shouldn't be
: tortuous. Being cold-blooded creatures,
their metabolism will drop
: with the temperature, so that by the time
they are dying, that are
: completely torpid.
: Oh yeah, and they won't totally freak trapped in a cup of water while
: the water cools down, will they? Why not get real and whack
them on a
: wall or the floor? If you're too squeamish, grow a spine or
take up
: stamp collecting.
Actually, the fish I've dealt with are quite calm in the cup of water.
I have even put some in the freezer w/out a lid, although I don't
recommend that (inless you want to peal frozen fishy off of the side
of your freezer). As for whacking on the wall or floor, I'm really
not into cleaning up the mess. The sinkolator would be a better
bet,
as would a razor blade applied above and behind the eye. BUT,
freezing
works just fine, thanks George.
From: AnotherGuy
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
George Booth wrote:
: Oh yeah, and they won't totally freak trapped in a cup of water while
: the water cools down, will they? Why not get real and whack
them on a
: wall or the floor? If you're too squeamish, grow a spine or
take up
: stamp collecting.
I have to agree with George on this one. My
pirahna has given
me much experience with the mercy killing of goldfish. (Did you know
they can still swim even after 3/4 of their bodies are eaten off?)
Anyways, IMHO, the _best_ way to kill a poor suffering fish is to grasp
him firmly on either side of his little head and pierce his brain with
a knife. I'm able to do this all in about 5 seconds. That has to be
better
than freezing all night or suffering for a week.
Nuf said. (yuck)
From: WannaBePoet
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
> In rec.aquaria, someone writes:
> This is a very hairy topic, and I've been trying to avoid it, but
if
>mercy killing is the only solution, how about doing what one of my
friends
>does: drop the fish in a container with ethanol. The fish die pretty
quick.
the idea behind the mercy killing is to end the fishes life
in a painless peaceful manner. ethanol would result in
pain
and suffering.
the fish's death deserves some respect...
From: WannaBePoet
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
>>George Booth wrote:
>>: Oh yeah, and they won't totally freak trapped in a cup of water
while
>>: the water cools down, will they? Why not get real and whack
them on a
>>: wall or the floor? If you're too squeamish, grow a spine
or take up
>>: stamp collecting.
but, can you be certain that
freezing kills a fish?
even if it does, does the
fish deserve a slow death?
in this article goerge booth does have a point...
it is a squeamish situation...
killing a fish by boiling/poaching...
slicing its neck/spinal cord...
whacking it against a wall...
this makes the death personal...
whereas freezing involves
putting a fish in a cup...
and then closing the door...
i just believe a fish's death
deserves some respect...
already, they're used for
display...
forced breeding...
experiments...
stress relievers...
if they are to die...
shouldn't they deserve more?
[I'm now fed up with the WanneBePoet and counter with...]
From: George Booth
Subject: Re: mercy killing...
In rec.aquaria, WannaBePoet writes:
if
they are to die...
shouldn't they deserve more?
Like what, a funeral
with wailing mourners
and somber flowers?
A satin lined, tiny,
but infinitely cozy
little coffin?
But who will carry it?
And are there wetlands
in the pet cemetary
alongside Muffy, Rex
and Duke?
I don't know; I
think I'll just
keep on whacking their
little bodies on the
wall and toss them into
the garden for the
magpies, Heckel and
and Jeckel to snack on.
-George
(with humble apologies to the original author)
Go placidly amid the substrate and trace elements and remember what
growth there may be with CO2 injection. As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms with your favorite plant vendors. Speak your opinions
quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant;
they too have their misinformation. Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the ecosystem. If you compare your aquarium to others
you will become vain and bitter; for
always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy
your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own aquascaping,
however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your trace element selection; for the world is full
of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many formulas
strive for high ideals and everywhere is full of chelated iron. Be yourself.
Especially do not feign knowledge. Neither be cynical about water changes
for in the face of all claims and chemical potions they are as perennial
as the grass. Take kindly the council of the years, gracefully surrendering
the misconceptions of youth. Nurture strength of adequate filtration to
shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many bad ideas are born of penury and ignorance. Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with your plants. You are a gardener of the universe. No
less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to prune vigorously.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the ecosystem is balancing
as it should. Therefore be at peace with your local fish store, whatever
you perceive it to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the
noisy confusion of life keep peace with your mailorder company. With all
its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful hobby. Be
careful. Strive to be happy.
Go placidly amid the claims and counterclaims and remember what peace
there may be in proven ideas. As far as possible without surrender,
be on good terms
with all experts. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen
to others, even the dull and pompous; they too have their story.
Avoid wordy and authoritative persons, they are vexatious to the spirit.
If you compare your aquarium to others you will become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser substrates than yours.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in
your own substrate, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing
fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your fertilizer additions;
for the world is full of hidden phosphates. But let this not blind
you to what virtue
there is; many people strive for pristine plants and everywhere is
full of algae. Be yourself. Especially do not feign expertise.
Neither be cynical about heating coils for in the face of all experimentation
and disenchantment they are as mysterious as other techniques. Take
kindly the council of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of
newbies. Nurture stored nutrients to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born
of ill-founded logic and local fish store clerks. Beyond a wholesome
discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe. No
less than the gravel and the laterite; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt your plants are growing
as they should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you perceive
him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion
of life keep peace with your substrate. With all its sham, drudgery
and broken dreams, it is still a nutirent source. Be careful.
Strive to be happy.